Saturday, July 16, 2011

Do Oysters Work?

Do oysters work? As an acknowledged and self-proclaimed Casanova, and great lover, I am often asked: Do oysters work?

I can remember one time, no, actually they were asking for directions to the bathrooms. They are down the boardwalk, two docks over, turn to the left. You will need a key.

Sorry, I digress.

Do oysters work? Well, the answer is Yes, and No. I have never actually seen an oyster work. Come to think of it, I haven't seen a clam or scallop work either. They all just sit around with their shell slightly opened in this idiotic grin. Most also have black lips, probably due to poor dental hygiene. So, no they don't work. I think they are all on welfare. Goes to show you that a socialist system can destroy all incentive to work.

But, then again, oysters do work. Sometimes clams do also. It has often been said that oysters only work because it is all in your mind. Well, what a stupid statement. Of course it's all in your mind. Think about it! Your mind is part of your brain and we all know where men's brains are located. Duh!

So, guys, eat lots of oysters. Unless, of course, you are allergic to shellfish. Then don't eat them. But, if you aren't allergic to shellfish eat oysters. Girls will love you. But then if you eat your girlfriend she will also love you. And it doesn't matter if you are allergic to shellfish or not.

So there you have it. The definitive answer to the age-old question. Do oysters work?
Please feel free to send any and all inquiries, complex or confused. They may or may not be answered.

On the other hand, it beats working. Something shellfish apparently figured out a long time ago.

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