Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Clarification on Dining Out

There seems to be a lot of confusion regarding a recent remark I made regarding eating your girlfriend. One reader writes: "I tried your suggestion but my girlfriend will not stay in the frying pan. I love my food fried. What should I do?" Another writes: "Do you prefer them baked or broiled?"

First let me say, I have deleted the above two readers from my distribution list. What dummies! Everyone knows the only true eater loves his food sashimi style. I tried sushi style once but the rice just kept getting in the funniest places! Let me be very clear on this subject. I absolutely DO NOT recommend frying, baking, or broiling your girlfriend. Well, you can broil them under the sheets but both of you should be applying the heat from all directions.
Another thing - frying, baking, and broiling small pets is a time honored pastime. I often marinate them in BBQ sauce but it is probably a good idea if your girlfriend does not know about that little hobby.

So, sashimi style is the only recommended way. In fact, when dating, if your partner does not like going to a Japanese house for dinner, dump them quickly. (Unless the friend is Chinese, those folks still don't like the Japanese.) Disliking Japanese food (unless you are Chinese) is a sure sign that they have a twisted mind and do not know the finer pleasures of life. Unless they like sailing, then keep them around for a while and see if they will go topless on the boat.

Girls, if your boyfriend doesn't like raw food - dump him. (Send me a private email and we can arrange a meeting to discuss dining in greater detail. I also accept referrals for frustrated friends you know, unless they are guys then forget it.)

So, I hope this clarifies the question of dining with your girlfriend. Oh, one other note. One girl at a time, I never could figure out how to coordinate the logistics of group dining.

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